Name:Elliot Country:United States State:Oklahoma Metro:Tulsa Gender:Male
Interests:Guitar, music, tennis, people, my ferret, some video games occasionally, good books, movies, spades/500... Expertise:I wouldn't claim anything just yet as an "expertise" Occupation:Student
So I have some prospective guitar students. Like me. Teaching them. For money. Pretty nifty. That "money" part.
Anywho, this has lead me to read up about guitar and technique and giving lessons. Naturally when anyone wants to teach someone else at anything they take into consideration their own skill level. After reading into it my worst fears and horrors have been confirmed to me: technically and fundamentally, I suck at the guitar.
I'm the guy who plays a two-hand tapping song on an acoustic and impresses all his friends, but when it comes to playing something intermediate technically and fundamentally sound, I am not your man. I don't finger-pick correctly, I don't hold my pick correctly, I don't know my scales, or my theory, I can't read music, and the worst mistake (from what I read) I am tense with my muscles, which is the result of bad practice. Oh yeah, and I don't practice correctly (or if you call it practice, I don't really practice at all.) From the outside looking in it is all very discouraging. At the same time, however, it is invigorating because I have four years of bad technique to undo and I can look forward to how good I will be when I learn to play correctly. I'm not slamming all of my ability on the guitar. Some of it is legit. I do know how to play the guitar. And, perhaps scarily, I am confident in my ability to teach someone else to play the guitar. It just wish I was perfect, that's all. You know. A guitar god. Virtuoso.
After this GED thing, I'm going to lock myself in my room and practice my guitar 24-7.
I feel like I've been winging it with talent for a while. That sounds pretty arrogant, but I think it is partially true. Of course only partially. I have actually worked to get somewhere on the guitar.
Now that I intend to teach people I am very excited about music. Careerically speaking, (I just made up a word) I had dismissed music as an option for college, because it seemed like there were better options, and that I could learn all that I wanted spending free tuition on what I could learn myself. This may still be true, but I've been feeling pretty passionate about music lately. Passionate enough to consider it, careerically speaking.
In all seriousness, I do feel confident in my ability to give beginner guitar lessons. That said, the going rate for a mind-blowing guitar lesson with your truly is: $50 a month for one half-hour lesson every week. That comes to $12.50 a half-hour and if there is a fifth week in the month, it is absolutely free. Now that's what I call a deal. Seriously. If you or a friend would like some beginner lessons give me shout. I could most positively use the cash flo- I mean the experience teaching someone else his passion in life. Yeah. That's what I meant. Seriously.
Anathallo is amazing. Do some clicking... a right here.
You know what I've been noticing? Xanga has moved from the cool online social networking site to the place where young and middle-aged moms post pictures of their children and talk about... motherhood. I have nothing against these moms or their... motherhood. It's just jeez, maybe in my youth I should stick to Facebook and Myspace. Seeing as I'll never be a young or a middle-aged mom. Obviously Xanga lost out to Facebook and Myspace a while ago, but middle-aged moms?
This post was mainly a joke. So if you are a middle-aged mom please don't be offended. I'm not disrespecting you (intentionally, anyway). I really do like moms. They're great!
Those are lyrics to a song I wrote. Evanston preforms it. We'll preform it for you if you give us money. (Or at least some affirmation, you know, a "good job" or a "that was great". We'll take those as payment too. Until we become rock gods anyway.)
Coincidentally, that is how I have been feeling for the last month. Ever since I returned from Arizona on my wonderful all expenses paid trip to the Young Reader Seminar where I got to feel like an important young journalist and be pretty much totally free. My own room. No parents. It was nice. It was a little eye opening. Not too much, really. Just a little. However, I have been feeling pretty strange since I returned and my life is suffering because of it. Not suffering in the sense that I'm not happy. Suffering in the sense that all that I want is to be happy. I'm discontent and looking for quick fixes. Christianity feels like an act. It also feels very confusing and I don't feel like anything I could experience could possibly be sincere. Of course, these are just feelings and, feelings can be quite deceiving. But nonetheless. It bothers me very much. Only in my head though. I feel very stagnate. Like I want to change but just not enough to actually change. And another thing is that I struggle with if I want to change and I try real hard in the end I'll just be trying real hard and I've been told countless times that isn't the point of grace. To try hard. It's to live in grace. I dunno. I'll bet I'm living more in grace right now than I ever have been simply because I'm kind of ignoring God. If ever I don't deserve to be loved, huh? So I'm stuck. It seems pointless to try and "get my life back on track" because I feel like I'm just striving, but I have to balance that with the thought that things don't just happen. They are called spiritual disciplines for a reason. You have to practice discipline. Discipline isn't striving. It's discipline. Hmm.
I am also questioning Christianity. I still really know inside that it is truth, I'm just struggling with it being true to me. That was sooooo redundant. I just feel like I'm not making any conscious effort to follow God. I can go to church and play in the band and be friends with all those people and have community but I feel like "my" God is disconnected from that. The God that exists in my head is a different God than is at Believer's Church and that my friends serve. Hmm. This could be a problem.
Surveying what I have just written I find it all very emotional and depressing. Life is so much better than this. At the very core of my so called problems and faith crisis the problem is selfishness. I want to please me. I want to be comfortable and I don't want to deal with the things in my life that make me uncomfortable. Unfortunately (and at the same time more fortunate than I know) Christianity or just living in rhythm with God is all about denying yourself, living whole-heartedly for other people, and learning to be content and joy-filled when you are uncomfortable. Hmm. And the clincher is that you live selflessly without holding on to any reward. Without saying "Yeah, but if I do this I'll be alright, right?" No. Give and expect nothing in return. Obviously God will care for us, but he asks us to do some crazy stuff without any explanation at all. Like, "Kill the son I promised you. Like right now. Go up on a hill and sacrifice him." Abraham didn't bat an eyelash. (He probably did bat an eyelash, but his heart was pure.) Crazy.
Even in writing this I really just wish someone would comment and tell me they know what i'm going through and it'll all be alright and it's just a phase. Basically I want someone to tell me I don't have to do any work to ge tout of a hole. But then grace isn't about doing work... Hmm.
I must be purged from my selfishness.
This morning I was thinking of a Xanga post to make and I thought I would just put up a fe w sentences. I was originally going to put,
"I have recently been discovering that I can only live my life. And I only get one chance to live it. What's up with that? I'm much better at living other people's lives."
Ain't that the truth.
In other news, I'm taking the GED in a week and a half so that I can go to ORU next year. I'm playing much tennis and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm playing the drums more and more now and I really like it a lot. I'm not the most skilled but they are so much fun to play. Yeah. And that's that. God is good. I've been saying that for a while. I think I'll sit here for a while until I believe it.
7 The LORD did
not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more
numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. 8But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath he swore to
your forefathers that he brought you out with a mighty hand and
redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king
of Egypt. 9Know therefore
that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his
covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and
keep his commands.
Deuteronomy 8:10-18 (NIV)
10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. 11
Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe
his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14
then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your
God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15
He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and
waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you
water out of hard rock. 16
He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had
never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go
well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." 18But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability
to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your
forefathers, as it is today.
Life goes on. Spring break cometh. I am filled with gladness.
Since I last blogged on here I have gained a group of inlaws. For those who don't know, my sister got married a few weeks ago. The wedding was actually pretty spectacular. Just so it's known, there was some stress before the wedding in the family and the wedding went very very well. Stress about details and invitations and receptions and so on. But it was a very sweet night. We danced the night away and it is genuinely a memory I am quite fond of and I'm sure I will forever cherish. I sounded very sappy and official right there, but I was just being honest. It really is something I look back on fondly. And that is something that matters to me. Having a memory that isn't somehow tainted. When you have an experience with God you can always look back and wonder "Was that real?" I suppose I can take a few times away that I have been convinced of God's presence, but basically the wedding was this very tangible cool thing. I loved it. All went well.
As I said before, spring break cometh and I am filled with gladness. This is the first time I have welcomed a school break. Perhaps this is because this is the first year I have done real school. Naaaaw... I had a German quiz and a Chemistry test in Physical Science and a paper that I procrastinated on, due today. And I skipped school yesterday for a tennis tournament that took all day. I was pretty worn out last night so I did what work was imperative and said "I don't care. I'm doing well enough to blow one test." That's probably not the right attitude, but after the tests and quizzes I think it actually worked out alright. I'm learning the rule of thumb in gen ed college courses is, unless you are interested in the subject, you are really learning how to take the test and not really learning about the subject. I pretty much don't understand chemistry but I understand enough to pass a test if given the material. If it were a music class or maybe a psych class I might actually retain the knowledge, but chemistry (or pretty much any form of science) I really don't care about. Although psych is kind of considered a science...
Tulsa Missions is tomorrow. I was not excited on Sunday, then I went to help feed the homeless on Monday, because I didn't have to work, and I got excited. It is going to be sweet. I am also really looking forward to retreat. I can't wait to just chill with Fusion. Play some frisbee, and some spades. I cannot wait.
Life has been exciting. New things are propping up. I am going to Phoenix in May for a youth journalism convention. For absolutely nothing. I am paying nothing that is. As my mom continually tells me, I am so blessed. I have so much. I am given so much.
That said this week I basically experienced grace in the most real and true way I have ever in my life. No doubt about it. God is good. I do not deserve life. He gives it anyway. Yeah. No big deal.
I am reading In Cold Blood by the recommendation of my Satellite advisor. I like it so far. It is a pretty sad story though. True story. Sensationalized though, I hear. Capote. What a strange man.
Eisley is coming. April 5th. Cain's Ballroom. with the Myriad, Vedera, The Envy Corps. I am very excited about this show. The Myriad opened for David Crowder and Vedera opened for Mae. I throughouly enjoyed both bands. I even bought Vedera's CD. You should go to the show. It will rock your face off.
Another band that will rock your face off is Evanston (shamless plug). All the members are hot and amazing musicians (shamless plug). The music is spectacular (shameless plug). In case you haven't guessed yet Evanston is my band. We played Cafe Fusion last weekend I heard good reports that we had a solid first show. I enjoy our music. It might take people a little bit to catch on to but with time and practice we could make some pretty tasty musical fusion. That is all I have.
